


I always lie but I can’t lie about this

by karlitasirbala



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/F, Jetra - Freeform, after Monday's episode, it's a fix it fic, we need something happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karlitasirbala/pseuds/karlitasirbala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I had to write this after Monday's episode. I just.... why can't we have nice things?! Petra cares. And Jane obviously cares. Petra just kind of sabotages things without meaning to and she's just a very complex individual. And the look on Jane's face after she found out Petra lied again and the look Petra had on her face when Jane said she had nothing to say to her? Ugh, my heart broke like Petra's. So yeah. Petra obviously had to fix it in my fic. Long live jetra! Also, for the sake of the story, Jane and Michael didn't get back together. No need for added drama in this fic. Maybe in the next one ;)</p>
    </blockquote>





	I always lie but I can’t lie about this

**Author's Note:**

> So I had to write this after Monday's episode. I just.... why can't we have nice things?! Petra cares. And Jane obviously cares. Petra just kind of sabotages things without meaning to and she's just a very complex individual. And the look on Jane's face after she found out Petra lied again and the look Petra had on her face when Jane said she had nothing to say to her? Ugh, my heart broke like Petra's. So yeah. Petra obviously had to fix it in my fic. Long live jetra! Also, for the sake of the story, Jane and Michael didn't get back together. No need for added drama in this fic. Maybe in the next one ;)

“And I have nothing to say to you” were the last words Petra heard from Jane that were directed at her for the past two weeks. These words were constantly replayed over and over in Petra’s head, Jane’s face seared into her mind. The kind of anger that was directed toward Petra in Jane’s words shook her to her core. And it made her sick. So sick that she really didn’t know how she was functioning at the moment. All she could do was think of Jane. Beautiful, loving Jane who… well yes sometimes she was bossy and critiqued other’s parenting styles a little too much when they didn’t stand up to her standards but she was still Jane. And Petra, well, she was in love with every part of her.

“Hey” Petra looked up startled to see Rafael leaning up against her office’s doorframe, watching her.

“Hello, Rafael. I didn’t hear you come in.”  
  
“Well, I did knock but you apparently were somewhere else” Rafael said with a smirk but the concern was evident in his eyes which just made Petra feel worse for some reason. Petra made some type of grunt and went back to eyeing the papers in front of her, trying to actually read some of the words but everything blurred together and none of it made sense because her thoughts were too boggled down with her feelings of guilt and frustration from never being able to get anything right with Jane.

“Petra…” Rafael said softly and Petra had to roughly bite her lip so she wouldn’t look up to meet Rafael in the eyes because if she did, she didn’t think she could stop herself from breaking.

“Petra…I don’t know what’s going on with you but something’s not right. You look like you’re trying so hard not to lose control. And you seem so sad. I haven’t seen you this way since before you got help for your postpartum.”

“I’m fine, Rafael.”

“No, you’re not and I wish you’d stop lying.” Yeah, well he wasn’t the only one, Petra thought bitterly. “I swear between whatever is going on with you and Jane’s pissed off mood, I don’t know what’s worse.” At this, Petra’s head snapped up and she eyed Rafael warily, wondering why Jane was pissed off and silently hoping it had nothing to do with her.

“Jane’s upset about something?”

“Yeah, she’s been like this for about two weeks. Just really off. I’m not sure what’s wrong but she’s snapping at everyone. And she seems kind of defeated for some reason. And she knows it which makes her even more snippy. I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s not Jane” Rafael said wistfully and Petra had to force her body to not cringe about what Rafael just told her. Petra knew Jane’s mood had something to do with her and part of her, the most selfish, egotistical part of her, was happy that Petra affected Jane in some way, even though it was horrible. But the other part of her, the part that truly wanted Jane to be happy, was angered that she had put Jane through such a terrible experience and that she had lied to her. Again. Why was it so hard for her to just tell the truth? Especially to Jane? She had done nothing but be there for Petra, no matter what. And Petra didn’t deserve it. But Jane did deserve an apology and damn it, Petra was going to give it to her.

“Rafael, do you have Mateo for the afternoon?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I want you to text Jane and tell her to meet you at the park. The nice one by the Marbella. Tell her that’s where you want her to drop Mateo off.”

“Petra, I can’t go to the park today with Mateo. I mean, I would love to but you know I have all those meetings today.”

“I know. That’s why I’m going to meet them there. And then I’ll bring Mateo to the Marbella. Please, Rafael. I just need to do something for Jane.” Maybe it was the way Petra was looking at Rafael or maybe it was the slight crack in her voice that did it but Rafael agreed and Petra internally sighed in relief because she finally had a chance to do right by Jane. Even if it might be her last.

 

* * *

 

 

Petra could see Jane walking up to the spot where she told Rafael to text her to meet him at. And just seeing her after two weeks of no contact made the air fly out of Petra’s lungs. She looked radiant and so happy with Mateo, the picture perfect image of a loving mother and her darling son. And Petra’s heart clenched and her palms started sweating while she fidgeted with the red rose in her hand. She didn’t want to ruin the look of pure bliss on Jane’s face because she knew Jane would freak out and leave once she saw her. And Petra almost chickened out. Almost. But she didn’t. Because it was time to finally tell the truth. As Petra started walking toward Jane and Mateo, their backs turned away from her, she could hear Jane talking to Mateo in the baby voice she had grown to find so adorable.

“I wonder why your daddy is taking so long, Mateo. I hope he didn’t forgettttt.”

“He didn’t. Rafael’s not coming” Petra said as she finally reached Jane, the rose in her hand hidden behind her back. Jane whirled around and the steely gaze that Jane pierced her with made Petra gulp. Very loudly might I add.

“What are you doing here?” Jane said, her voice devoid of anything but pure bitterness and anger. And that pierced right through Petra’s heart but she was going to be brave. She was going to tough it out.

“I told him to tell you to meet him here so I could see you. I knew you wouldn’t talk to me if I tried to approach you so I resorted to this.”

“So you lied. Again”

“I didn’t lie. I had Rafael lie.” Okay, that was not a smart thing to say, Petra thought.

“Really, Petra?!” And Jane confirmed that thought as she threw her hands in the air.

“I’m sorry. This is not starting out well. Jane, I just had to see you. This is the only way I knew how to do it.”

“You didn’t think about just asking me to talk?”

“I knew you would say no.”

“But did you really know that, Petra?”

“Well, yes. You basically said you didn’t want anything to do with me after the whole Anezka fiasco.”

“Because you LIED, Petra. Again. Just when I was…. Just when I was starting to let you back in . You ruined it. Why did you have to ruin it?” Jane ended softly, her eyes shining with unshed tears that left Petra speechless and sick to her stomach. She didn’t know she effected Jane so much and she didn’t understand why but Petra knew she could never do that to her again. Never.

“Two weeks, Petra. I waited two weeks to see if you would say anything. ANYTHING. And I was pissed because I knew I shouldn’t want to have anything to do with you but I still craved something from you. An apology, a look, a glare, just something. But you did nothing. And I can’t do this anymore. Just, please let me be.” Tears were now slowly falling down Jane’s face and Petra could feel her own sliding down her cheeks as Jane started to wheel Mateo away.

“Jane, wait. Please” Petra croaked but Jane kept walking.

“Jane, please stop. Just stop. JUST LISTEN TO ME” Petra had never lost control like that, not in a long time. She had never yelled with such desperation at someone which is why Jane finally stopped and turned around, the surprise evident in her face. Petra took in a deep breath, trying to gain some composure after her outburst and tentatively took some steps toward Jane until she was right in front of her.

“Jane…. lying comes easily to me. It’s second nature. I’m an expert at it really” Petra saw that Jane was going to interrupt but Petra pleaded with her eyes to let her finish and Jane actually got the memo because she just pursed her lips and stayed silent.

“But I’m sorry. I am so sorry, Jane. I’m always lying to you but I can’t do it anymore. Not about this. So here are my lists of truths.”

“Part of me resents you for being such a good mom to Mateo because it comes so easily to you. And it doesn’t come easy to me. I’m afraid I’m not a good mom to Elsa and Anna and I’m afraid that’s what you think too. I’m trying to deal with all of this and sometimes I can’t but then I think about you and how much faith you used to have in me and how amazing you are with Mateo that I get a second wind and I convince myself that I can do this. I didn’t tell you the truth about Anezka because I finally had someone who was a part of my family that cared for me and even though I don’t show it, having a family means the world to me because I never had one. And Anezka finally gave that to me. But I want you in my family, Jane. You and Mateo. With me, Anna, Elsa, hell even Anezka, though I’m sure you’ll have your reservations about that.

“Every day, I think about you. These past two weeks have been a disaster because I felt so guilty about lying to you. I sabotage things, Jane. I’m not a good person. But you make me want to be better. And I’m so scared because the things you make me feel? I’ve never felt before.” At this, to say Jane looked confused was an understatement. But Petra could also see something else churning behind those beautiful, soulful eyes.

“Jane, I don’t know what love is. Not really. I thought I did when I was with Rafael. But I didn’t. But now? Now I know what love really is, what it really feels like. I may be a bad person who doesn’t know how to tell you the truth but this is something I can’t lie about. I’m in love with you, Jane. I don’t know when it happened, I just know that it did. And well… I know I’m snarky and insecure even though I try not to show it, and I have a messed up family life and I scheme and manipulate people but that doesn’t stop me from loving you. With all my heart. And I do want to be a better person. Because you’re my guiding light, Jane. It just took me a while to find you.”

Slowly, Petra pulled out the rose behind her back, raising it up so it was right in front of Jane, a look of pure uncertain hope and vulnerability shining in Petra’s eyes. Jane remained quiet, her usually expressive face was devoid of any sign that might indicate what she was feeling after Petra’s confession. The nerves started to get to Petra, especially when Jane finally started to react. Petra saw Jane shake her head slowly, her eyes looking down at the ground. Jane turned around and started walking away and Petra’s heart sank. She blew it. She really blew it. Jane wanted nothing to do with her, didn’t even say anything about the word vomit that came out of her mouth and she was walking away from her. Forever. But before she could fall even more into her pit of despair, Jane stopped. And squared her shoulders. And whirled around with such intensity and speed that Petra didn’t even realize that Jane was standing right in front of her, her nostrils flaring and chest heaving.

“You make me so mad sometimes, Petra. You’re infuriating. And…and you’re a liar! A big liar! A no good, stupid liar!” Jane made sure to poke Petra’s shoulder for emphasis on the last part. But then Jane’s hands gripped her face and brought it down towards hers, lips crashing against one another in such a forceful frenzy that Petra didn’t know what the heck was going on. But then she realized that Jane was kissing her so she wrapped her arms around Jane’s waist and brought her closer to her, her lips working hard to catch up with the intensity Jane was pouring their kiss. The lips moved roughly against one another and teeth clashed and bit at lips and it was maddening and harsh but oh so beautiful in its own way. But then Jane’s lips started slowing down and Petra whined softly but Jane kept going and then Petra felt it. Felt the calm after the fire, felt the warmth radiating from Jane being so close and the comfort her body brought with it being so close. And Petra felt at ease for once in her life. Jane pulled back slowly and rested her forehead against Petra’s and huffed a small puff of air across Petra’s face.

“But I love you, too.” Jane said softly, lovingly as she slowly moved away. Petra felt lightheaded and giddy and incredibly flabbergasted that this was actually happening. She looked at Jane and slowly raised the rose back up, a shy smile on her face that made Jane chuckle. She grabbed the rose and then took Petra’s hand and started pulling her toward the park’s exit, with Mateo in tow.

“This doesn’t mean I completely trust you, you know. I mean I forgive you but I still need time” Jane said seriously as she pushed Mateo. Petra looked at her before taking Mateo’s stroller away from Jane and started pushing him herself.

“I know. But I’ll make it up to you. I’m in love with you, Jane Villanueva, and I’m going to prove to you that you can trust me. Even if I have to wait my whole life to gain that trust back” Petra said with a fierce conviction. And Jane, well Jane knew that if Petra kept it up, Jane would be putty in Petra’s hands before she could help it. 


End file.
